Back From The West

I got back from Montana last night. I think the interview went well. I actually think I may get the job. I will find out this coming week. I really liked all of the people in the office, and the type of work the company does is a really good fit for me. More on that if I get the job.

My other Montana news is what the trip has done to me and HIM. It is nothing earth-shattering, but he definitely wants to talk more. He left me a message while I was on the plane flying out, just to say hi and to wish me luck. I called him that night when I got to my hotel and found out that he was in a hotel for the night halfway through his drive to South Dakota. We talked for at least an hour. It felt so good and natural to be talking about my day with him and just to hear his voice. We also talked the next night. We also talked the night after that (last night). He has also sent me two text messages between all of those conversations that read: "I miss u," and "I still miss u." He is going to call me again tonight.

I know that part of his desire to talk comes from the fact that he is currently in South Dakota, where he doesn't know anyone yet, sitting in a hotel room by himself. I know that in some ways I am just a crutch. But it is just so intoxicating to talk to him and to feel a connection to him--even if it is just over a phone line. I know that it is keeping me emotionally stuck, but at the moment it is also keeping me calm. Talking to him takes the edge off. I don't feel like I am so separated from him when I can still talk to him every day. I know that it will end soon when he starts working and meets people, but I just can't help myself. He is my drug.

D is still sending me a lot of text messages. Three tonight. I think he is lonely too. I think he wants me to hang out with him tonight (which I don't really feel like doing). I guess I look like a good person to fall back on to everyone these days. Maybe I am viewing all of this too cynically--it is just that sometimes I feel like people only come around when they need me, and then leave me in the dust when I need them.

I had dinner with my friend M tonight. When she got home from dinner, her boyfriend proposed to her--which was funny since at dinner we had talked about the fact that her boyfriend would probably propose soon, and that she was mildly annoyed that he was so obsessed with surprising her and not giving her a clue as to when. She was definitely surprised. She called me to tell me almost right away because she thought it was so strange that we had had that conversation probably an hour before he popped the question. She seems really happy.

I am definitely happy for her, but a tiny part of me (the self-absorbed, bitter part) can't help but feel a little... not jealous, but... defeated maybe. Not that I want to be engaged right now, but it would be nice to find a guy who is even moderately willing to make some minor commitment to me. Instead I have a pair of guys who need me momentarily--one of whom I would give almost anything to be with, and one of whom I would have given almost anything to be with for ten years of my life.

Oh well. Bed time for me--up early tomorrow