Making Moves

I got the job! I found out yesterday. They aren't offering me enough money a year for me to be financially worry-free, but they are offering me just enough to live on and pay my bills. Considering that I really liked everyone there and the job is right up my alley, I really can't turn it down. So, I officially join the ranks of the employed. They want me to start around October 20, which gives me a little bit of time to work out the logistics of moving to Montana. I'm excited and nervous. I hope I can do the job well. I think I can, but I really won't know until I actually get in there and start working. I will try to enjoy the feeling of accomplishment that comes with finding a job rather than worrying about all of the practical stuff--at least for the weekend. I have started calling around about housing (can't put that off too much), but I will try to leave everything else until Monday. Especially the unhappy task of emailing my former supervisor (from the job I had in college), who is still trying to pull strings to get me hired. I feel bad, but I have to do what is best for me.

Of course, I also have the usual anxiety that comes with moving to a completely new place. I've never lived that far west. It was beautiful out there when I went out for the interview, and I am told that there are a lot of people my age around there, and that there is a lot to do (outdoorsy things, bar/live music type things, and sports). The thing that really makes me nervous is that this will be my first time moving to a new place outside of an academic setting. When I've moved places for school, I've been with people my own age in classes, and housing, and other things like that. This time, I will be interacting mostly with people who are a little bit older than me. I am just not sure where or how I will meet the younger crowd. But, again, things to worry about a little bit later.

As for things with HIM--we have been talking at least every other day, for an hour or more at a time. I know that it is probably not the best thing to do, but it makes me feel good. He is not having the best time in South Dakota--he is still having trouble getting to know his co-workers, and his boss is kind of a hard-ass. In general he sounds a little down. I know that I should put two and two together and realize that he only really wants to talk to me because he is sad, and lonely, and needs someone (anyone), but I can't help myself. First of all, I can't stand to think of him unhappy--I have an uncontrollable urge to help him and listen to him. Second, it really does make me feel great. It just kind of feels like a long-distance relationship. I know that it isn't (I am not that delusional), but it really allows me to keep the pain to a minimum by still feeling so connected to him. He has even suggested we spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, or both together (I won't have vacation time yet by the holidays, and South Dakota is much closer to Montana than home). I know that it might not happen, and I know that he will eventually meet people out there and will no longer need to talk to me so often, but for now it is enough to keep me going. Pathetic, I know. It is hard to think logically when you are in love. I don't know how long it will take me to learn to let him go. I know that I don't feel single. I don't have any interest in dating or even thinking about the possibility of dating in the future, and a large crazy part of me still holds out hope for me and him. I really look forward to a time when I will be able to picture my future without him. Right now I just can't.

I will probably be hanging out with D this weekend, and I might go to visit my brother in New York City next weekend. We also have some close family friends coming to the house this weekend, and I am going into my Mom's office all day tomorrow to help out with answering phones and doing paperwork. Basically, I am keeping busy enough to keep myself relatively sane. Getting the job helps my mood, but I am still wrestling with a good amount of anxiety (especially over figuring out how to live on the budget I will be living on in Montana). Not much I can do besides take a deep breath and jump into it.

It is time for the next phase in my life. Scary, exciting, new--I guess it is all part of being this age.