Sinking

I had another nightmare last night, but luckily it was just the garden-variety "being chased by a psychotic killer" type nightmare, and not one in which someone close to me died. I am not sure what is going on with my poor head. I think that maybe I am just feeling unsettled at the moment.

I am starting to feel pain creeping through. I am doing my best to keep it back, and to resist the ever-growing urge to call him. He must have seen that he missed a call from me the other night and he never called back, so I should just take that as a sign that he doesn't want to talk to me. And regardless of the fact that he didn't call me back, he has also made no attempt to call me on his own either. I know it is for the best, but it is getting harder and harder to stay strong. I know that it will only set me back to hear his voice. I thought about just sending him an email, but really, what is the point? What do I hope to get out of it? I miss him a lot, but I don't really think any good can come of talking to him right now. It really is becoming a constant struggle not to pick up my phone. It is Saturday night and I know a lot of his friends still live in his home town, so it is safe to assume that he is out and partying. That should be reason enough not to call. I might give in tonight though.

Another person who does not seem to like returning my calls is R, my best friend from college. I have left so many messages for her, and have not received one call back. Not to mention the facebook message she sent me telling me that she was going to call me "this weekend," which was about a month ago now. I don't want to call her anymore, because it seems pointless, but I also really miss her--and in general, I miss having SOMEONE to talk to. The charms of being home and having nothing to do are really starting to wear off. Thank goodness I have my job interview on Wednesday.