Motivation?

Where do I get me some of that? I keep drifting in and out of this looonnngggg paper that I have to have finished by Friday at 5. I know I will get it done, but my attention span is zero at the moment. Mainly because my mind is occupied with HIM, as usual.

So, I watched a movie with him last night. Worked on my paper this morning. Needed a break and knocked on his door around noon. But he couldn't let me in because he was... masturbating. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I just seem to knock on his door any time he is doing that. And this is going to sound really lame, but in a way it makes me feel rejected. We haven't had sex since Friday. I don't know if he is consciously avoiding it, or if we are both just so busy that it doesn't come up. But I feel like my yelling at him has made him feel guilty about having sex with me while we are not officially a couple. Also, he made a "joking" comment about how he should stop because he thinks my best friend from college (who he has never met) thinks he's a jerk. Which she does, a little. But he said he wasn't serious. Although, if he was, he is probably right that it is a good idea to stop. But I don't want to. I am trying hard not to initiate physical stuff, because I want to let him/see if he will. I am clinging to this pseudo-relationship in a way that is very very unhealthy.

On a brighter note, I am going to reward myself for working hard on my paper (assuming I eventually do that) by cooking chicken cordon bleu tonight. Cooking is so much fun, and what could be better than chicken with cheese and ham? Although I know that I will see if he wants to eat with me. And he will probably say yes, because who says no to a free, home-cooked meal? Oh well, for now I will just (try to) focus on my paper.