So I went downtown for St. Patrick's day celebration as planned yesterday. It was good to get out of the building. But of course I met up with him and another friend for a drink when I got home. Then watched a movie with him. I feel like he is very stand-off-ish with me at the moment, because of my little meltdown on Friday. He seems ever-so-slightly irritated by everything that I do. But I have a lot of work to get done today, so I am trying to focus on that. I spend way too much time caring what he thinks about me.
I know that I SHOULD just do my work, not knock on his door, and leave him be. It is healthier for me, because I know I should keep my distance. And since he seems like he does not particularly want to be around me at the moment, it is best to give him space too. The thing is--when he ignores me or acts distant, I have the strongest desire to approach him. When he is attentive, I have an easier time staying away. And it isn't that I just want what I can't have. I think it is that when something feels off, I dwell on it obsessively until I can fix it. And right now something feels off. I think my meltdowns are finally getting to him. Which I guess was the point. I just don't know if I like the consequences.
I keep thinking up excuses to go over there, but I really need to NOT knock on his door. Maybe today will be the day that I actually listen to my logical side.
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