Finally Composed

My anger lasted alllll night last night. I thought I had calmed down, so I went over to see him a few hours after the original discussion and I started crying again. I cried off and on all night. He came over and ate dinner with me and watched the Olympics as usual, but I could hardly keep myself from snapping at him any chance I got. More than mean, I was just moody. And whether or not it seemed like it to him, I was actually trying really really hard to keep my mood in check.

Today I woke up feeling a little better. Better enough to behave almost completely normally around him. He is still sleeping (here, as usual), but I think when he wakes up I will do my best to act like nothing happened. Not just for him, but for me. I need this last week to be a good experience. I will have plenty of time to be mad at him after I leave.

I need to figure out what to do after I go home with my parents. I have thought about moving to where my brother lives. It is in another city, closer to home. My Mom loves that idea, because it would put me closer to home than I have been for five years, and it would make it possible for us to all get together as a family more often than once a year (at Christmas). There are a lot of upsides to moving to his city. The only downside really, is that I don't really like my brother's boyfriend (who he lives with now). Maybe I would learn to like him. He just came off as rather rude and moody the one time that I met him. I would have THOUGHT that he would have wanted to make a good impression on me and my parents, but apparently his attitude is just a permanent part of his personality. Oh well, he treats my brother well, so I guess that is all that matters.

The other big question mark is that I still have a good number of job applications floating around out there. I would hate to move and then have one of those come through and have to move again. I could also stay in this city. But I think I like the idea of moving near my brother best right now. I don't get to see him often, it is a big city, and he could show me the ropes. I will definitely visit him soon after I get home to check it out.

I guess I will go try to enjoy the day.