Sleeping Drunky

I finally finished my thesis yesterday and turned it in. Last night, he and I settled in for a typical evening of vegetating. He brought his guitar over and played a bit, so that mixed things up a little.

The night started out fine. I had a couple of glasses of wine and he had... A LOT of wine. He was pretty much tanked by around 10 or 11, and just kept drinking. I knew he hadn't eaten anything since that afternoon, so I kept trying to convince him to switch to water and eat something. He was stubborn, and refused.

For a little role reversal, he was the drunk sobbing mess, and I was the one on the receiving end of the emotional breakdown. He started crying and talking about the year coming to an end. It went something like this: "Losing you is the hardest thing I will ever have to do. You are the most wonderful woman I have ever met, and it is going to be so hard. You don't even know how hard it is going to be for me." A couple hours later, in response to me asking him to drink water instead of more wine, it changed into this: "No one ever believed in me. They all told me that I wouldn't do anything with my life. I never feel like I am smart enough, or good enough." He did all sorts of drugs in high school and in early college. What his parents actually told him was, "If you don't stop doing what you are doing, you will never amount to anything." But, when one is drunk, things get exaggerated and emotions get looser.

I eventually got him to drink a cup of water. At 4AM, I was asleep and was woken up by the sound of him opening the door and going home. He came back around 5:30 and left again within 20 minutes. He came back around 8AM to get some water, croaked out the words "hung-over" and plopped down next to me in bed, where he still is right now.

Last night wasn't the most fun night on record. It was hard to hear his emotional meltdowns, even if I know they were fueled by alcohol. The first one was particularly tough. I couldn't really say anything, because what is the point in trying to have a real conversation with someone who is completely drunk. I wanted to get mad. I wanted to say, "What? You want me to feel sorry for you that you have chosen not to see any more of me after August?" I wanted to say, "You don't have a right to be sad about it! It is your choice." But I didn't. I don't think I would have even if he had been sober. I am done fighting, and those wouldn't be particularly fair things to say anyways. I know he will be sad. I still don't really understand him, but I know it will be hard for him too.

I think today is just going to be a lazy day. Hopefully he won't be too hungover when he wakes up. Tomorrow, we may actually get out of the apartments and hit a museum, or maybe the aquarium. Eventually, I will have to deal with my parents, who were nice enough to stop asking me about what date I wanted to move out on while I was finishing my thesis. Now that I am done, I know I will have to decide very soon. I guess I should also find more jobs to apply for. I still haven't heard anything from anyone. I just want to know what comes next. I guess I should enjoy today and tomorrow, and then I will deal with it.