Now I've Done It

The "no fighting" streak ended last night. Ugh.

For starters, I was still a little miffed about the night before (him being unable to do anything for me unless he gets something in return). Miffed is probably the wrong word. It was more that it was still on my mind, and I was still feeling like he thinks everything is about him.

Around 4:30, I was just breaking from my thesis work, when he called and asked if I could meet him downstairs in five minutes with something from his room that he had to take to the post office to mail. I said okay, and decided that I would go with him, because I really needed to get some food (the post office is in the basement of the grocery store). He said he would meet me upstairs when he was done in the post office. I shopped, he came up and shopped with me, he told me he should probably eat dinner by himself since he had a lot of thesis work to do--everything was fine. I had to get one more thing from the next aisle over, and he looked massively irritated by that fact for some reason. I said, "What? You look annoyed. I am just getting on more thing. You can just take your stuff and pay if you can't wait." He said, "Okay. I'm sorry, I just have to get home and start working." He went to the registers, I went and grabbed my last thing--and the funny thing was, I actually got out of the grocery store before him. That was only mildly irritating. I was annoyed that he couldn't wait thirty seconds for me to grab ONE MORE THING, but it wasn't that big of a deal, and I wasn't going to start anything over it.

When we got back, he went to his apartment to work, and I came to mine to read/relax. He came in a few times to take breaks, but I honestly had no interest in asking him how his work was going or anything. I just couldn't stand the thought of having another conversation about HIM. I know he could tell something was wrong, but I really had no interest in talking. I stayed away from his apartment until about 9:30, when I felt my mood softening a bit. I didn't feel like having another fight, so it was best to wait until I was feeling better.

I went over and asked how he was doing, stayed for a few minutes while he took a break, and came home. He said that he would come over later when he was done working. I saw him a couple more times over the course of the night. By 1:30, he was still not at my apartment, so I went over to see what he was up to. He told me that he was just about done and would be over soon. At about 2, he came over to tell me that he would be right back after he cooked some food. I told him to just cook it at my apartment. He said okay, and went to his apartment to get the food. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I was looking at the clock and it was 3AM, and he was still not in my apartment. That is a long time to be gone getting food. I went over to his apartment to see what had happened to him.

I found him sitting at his computer. I asked what he was doing, and he said that he was deleting things he didn't need off of a flash drive. I left, and he came over to my apartment with his food. I started to talk to him about how late he was when he came in, and he immediately turned around and went back to his apartment. A few seconds later, I could feel my blood boiling, and went to his apartment too. He was literally waiting for me at the door (I guess I've become predictable). The conversation went something like this:

ME: I thought you were just going to get your food and come right back.
HIM: Well I found more work I had to do.
ME: Deleting things from your flash drive?
HIM: No, I just stopped working and moved on to this.
ME: I wish you had told me you were going to go back to working, I thought you were coming right back when you left to get food.
HIM: Well, I assumed you were sleeping, so I didn't think it mattered.
ME: I just hate it when you say one thing and do another.
HIM: I told you that I had to work a lot Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.
ME: I know, but an hour ago, you told me that you would "be right back" and then just disappeared.
HIM: Well, I'm sorry, but I just found more work to do.
ME: Why do you say "sorry" like that? It is clear you don't mean it when you use that tone. Can't you just say "sorry," instead of "sorry, but"? Can't you ever just be sorry?
HIM: Fine, I'm sorry. But I really didn't do anything wrong. I told you that I was going to be working late today.
ME: Yes, and I understood that. But I am more concerned with what you said an hour ago. If you had had to work all morning, I would have understood. You could have just come back over and said, "I found more work I have to do. I'll see you tomorrow."
HIM: And you would have reacted just like this.
ME: No, I wouldn't have. I just wanted you to have the common courtesy to tell me that I shouldn't sit around waiting for you.
HIM: Well, I didn't want to break from my work.
ME: It would have taken you thirty seconds. You could have even called on your cell phone.
HIM: Fine, from now one, I will NEVER tell you anything that sounds definite.
ME: Oh come on, it is not like I was asking you to stop working, I just would have liked to have known that you weren't actually coming right back. And, you know what? I should have expected that you wouldn't have bothered to do that, because everything is ALL ABOUT YOU.
HIM: Oh, here we go again. Yes, I am a selfish bastard.
ME: Yes, you are. Last night you couldn't even give me a back rub, the ONE TIME that I actually asked you for one, without asking for one in return.
HIM: Listen, I am going to make food, and put on some Arrested Development. You can sit down here and relax if you want, and I will rub you. Are you going to sit?
ME: No.
HIM: Fine, then it is time for you to go home.
ME: I just wish you could take me into consideration every once in awhile when you are doing things, because I always take you into consideration. I do a lot for you. What do you do for me? I am not asking for a lot here. I just wanted you to have the courtesy to come over and tell me that your plans changed. It would have taken thirty seconds.
HIM: Fine. You're right. I don't do anything for you. I will see you tomorrow.
ME: Don't bother. Prick.

That was the gist of it. Not good, huh? One problem was that my blood was already boiling by the time I got there. Another problem was, I had been bottling up a few things that I may have been better off letting out earlier, when I was calmer. The third problem? I still haven't learned not to expect anything from him. Okay, I know I overreacted--a lot. But still, could he think about someone other than himself JUST ONCE? It was more the "straw that broke the camel's back" than anything else. I know that I should apologize for overreacting. But a big part of me is sick of being the one who always bends first. I think I had a right to be irritated last night, but I definitely blew things out of proportion when I got downright angry.

I think I will just shower and get to work.