Too Tired To Think

I am exhausted. Here is how the evening unfolded:

We caught a 5PM train downtown, stopped at a bar for a drink, and hopped on more public transportation to make our way to C's apartment around 6:30. I was nervous that P would be there, but as it turned out I had nothing to worry about. It wasn't even really a get-together. It was just C, her boyfriend J, her two roommates (who only appeared briefly), and a couple that C and J are friends with (who were really just leaving when we got there). We stayed there for maybe an hour and a half, just chit-chatting. After we left, HE said that he thought the visit had felt kind of awkward. It actually had. I am not sure why. I think it is because we got there when the other guests were leaving, so I think C and J were ready for alone time by that point in the night. But we were out of their hair by 9PM, so I don't think we were too much of a problem.

He and I made our way to the bar where the concert was (more public transportation), and saw that the line for people who already had tickets was stretched around the building. We took our place in line, and since it wasn't moving at all I ran over to the Taco Bell next door to get food. We hadn't had dinner, and we had planned on eating in the bar, but eying the number of people in line, it didn't seem like a great plan anymore. I got back in line, we ate, and waited more. The doors were supposed to open at 9;30, but it was pretty well after 10 and the line wasn't budging.

We had had a few beers at C's house, plus the one drink before we went to her place, so I was a tad bit tipsy. I don't think it will surprise anyone, based on my past experiences, that being a tad bit tipsy around him often leads to an emotional shit storm. I don't even remember what started it, but he made some comment about me being his "girl," or something like that, and I responded with, "Yeah, for a couple more weeks anyways." Oops. I have been pretty good about controlling those types of comments lately--but guess alcohol brings out the worst in me (or maybe just makes me more honest). He said, "Let's not do this now. You know that I am going to be sad too when it ends." I said, "Yeah. Sure." He said, "Let's have a fun night. Let's not talk about this." To which I responded, "I am NOT going to keep avoiding that topic because it makes YOU feel uncomfortable or guilty. That is not fair. I am going to talk about it whenever I want, and you just have to deal with it." I think standing in line for so long had made me feisty. To my surprise, he backed down immediately. He said, "Okay, I understand," or something like that, which shut me up immediately. I think I was expecting a fight out of him. We spent the rest of the time in line in silence, with him occasionally trying to hug me or hold my hand--silent olive branches I guess.

About a half hour later, the line started moving. The door was still SO far away, but as we passed the door where the people on the guest list were allowed to enter, the guy working security pulled us aside and asked if we had tickets. We showed him our tickets, and he let us in the guest door. I have no idea why. He didn't let anyone else in that door. But it worked wonders on my mood. No more waiting in line. Although the concert was supposed to start at 10, it was now at least 10:30, with no sign of it starting. I think it finally started a little after 11, with the headliner not taking the stage until close to midnight.

We had a good time--danced, watched the show, had our picture taken by this company that takes free party photos. The picture involved him wearing a Rastafarian hat complete with dreads, and me wearing a boa and a white... pimp hat is really the only way to describe it... and jumping in the air on command while the picture was taken. Since I was wearing a dress, I inadvertently flashed the camera the first two times, but managed to get a good third picture. So that was a fun little souvenir (they printed out a wallet sized photo for each of us). The picture should be up on the company's website soon too, so I can print out a bigger copy. It is pretty hilarious.

At around 2:30AM, the concert was still going, but I was crashing pretty hard. We decided to head out. We had to take a cab home, because public transportation was done running. We made it back around 3:30AM, and I crashed immediately. Which explains why I feel completely brain dead today.

I should work on my thesis, but I don't know if I can think straight. He is working on his. He has to. He is supposed to get another draft to his advisor by tomorrow at the latest. I have a week left. Maybe I can take today off too. I shouldn't. I will take a shower and see how I feel.

So, once again, I managed to avoid what could have become a nasty fight (or HE managed to avoid it), and we ended up having a good time. I guess it was a pretty successful night. So why do I feel kind of off? Aside from being tired, I just feel emotionally out of it. I guess that the "tired" thing has something to do with it.