So Close

I have been revising my thesis since 10AM. I have four more days before I have to turn it in. I feel like I could turn it in how it is now if I had to. That is always a good point to get to with papers.

I got an interesting job-related email yesterday. A place that I worked from the summer between my jr and sr years of college may be adding a full-time position that my former supervisor basically told me she would hire me for. It is the kind of work I have been applying for, and a better job than I will able to get anywhere else with my current education/level of experience. It is usually a job reserved for people with PhD's. It would be a fantastic thing to have on my resume. There is a big "if," in that the job may not be created at all. My supervisor is trying to get her bosses to let her add it. The only major downside of the job is the fact that I would have to move back to the rural, middle-of-nowhere town where I went to college. It would be so strange to be back there. My best friend from college, R, is still there and will be for the next two years (law school), but I will definitely be there longer than two years if I get this job. There wouldn't be many people my age around to socialize with, and I would have to get used to spending A LOT of time alone. Maybe I could get a cat... But, in any case, I would not turn down this job just because I don't want to live in the town. I would enjoy the job, and it would open a lot of doors to me professionally. We will see what happens.

Coincidentally, R sent me a Facebook message last night apologizing that she hadn't returned my calls (which I made weeks, maybe months, ago), and saying that she has just been very busy with her summer internship and will call me this weekend. I was so glad to hear from her. I was starting to feel rather depressed that she hadn't been in touch with me. I miss her often, and I was starting to feel like I didn't matter to her at all.

I guess sometimes I am insecure in my friendships too. I have a hard time keeping in touch with people, even though I try, and I sometimes feel... rejected, I guess... by friends because of that. My Dad has had the same best friend his whole life (literally), and I am sometimes jealous of that. Last night, almost like he could sense that I was thinking about stuff like this, HE asked (kind of jokingly after hearing someone use the term on TV), "Who is your 'BFF'?" I thought about it, and realized that I have never really had one. I can't seem to get the "forever" part down. Maybe most people have the same problem. I feel like I am the only person I know who is constantly having to leave old friends behind and forge new friendships. It is probably because I have moved so much (completely different states--hell, completely different regions of the county--for high school, undergrad, and grad school). I really am starting to feel like long-distance friendships are as hard (if not harder) to maintain than long-distance relationships. Maybe that is why I am so anxious to be settled somewhere permanently. I am just tired of starting over.

I guess I can't do much now but wait and finish revising. Who knows where I will end up next.