Avoiding Conflict Like It's My Job

I controlled my annoyance like a pro yesterday. There were many times during the afternoon yesterday when I was this close to losing my cool with him. But for the sake of this pleasant cease fire that we've had going for a few days now, I managed to calm myself down. The day with him started at 2PM yesterday and ended around 2AM.

I went to the library to get books yesterday like I planned to and got back around 2. I checked my phone (I had had it on silent in the library) and saw that I'd missed a call from him. I called him back and he said he was going to the grocery store and wanted to know if I needed anything. Since we have been eating dinner together every night, I said, "Dinner." He asked if I wanted to go to the store with him to help pick it out. I said okay, and he said he would call me back in about fifteen minutes when he was outside our building. I figured there was no point in diving into thesis work for fifteen minutes, so I just wasted time and waited. He called in about 15 minutes and said, "I just ordered another drink, I will probably be another 20 minutes." I am thinking, Oh, he is at the bar, I guess I could have gotten some work done after all, but I just said, "Okay," and let it go. Two points for not being bitchy over the phone.

I started leafing through my new books. About 20 or 30 minutes later he comes busting through my door. He could tell I was a little irritated, so he asked why and I told him. Then I thought better of it and said, "Nevermind, it is not a big deal. I could have started working anyways if I'd wanted to. It is not your fault." We went to the store, happily. He was pretty affectionate, and I could tell that he was really glad that I hadn't made a big deal out of the whole time thing earlier. Two more points for keeping my cool.

On our way home from the store, we agreed that we should eat right away, even though it was still early, because he hadn't eaten all day and I was ready for a substantial meal too. He said, "We will start cooking in about a half hour." Which definitely meant that he wanted another beer. He has a strange food-drink dichotomy. He doesn't like to eat and drink alcohol at the same time. It sounded like a good plan to me, so I turned on the TV and waited for him to finish his beer.

When he finished his beer, he cracked another one. He had become distracted by the fact that he hasn't heard back from the place where he submitted a job application, and was frantically looking around the internet for new job listings. I asked if I should have a snack, since he clearly didn't want to eat anytime soon. He kept telling me, "No, I will be ready soon." I let it go. Finally, after about an hour and a half had passed since we had returned from the store, he said, "You should have a snack." Would have been nice to know that an hour and a half ago. I said, "Okay," and let the night roll along conflict-free. Two more points for not getting pissy.

Finally, the Bachelorette was set to come on in ten minutes, and since he had said that he wanted to eat while the show was on (I've gotten him hooked on it), it seemed a little past time to start making food. We started to get things in the kitchen ready. Turns out, I was out of tin foil. I needed tin foil for what we were cooking. I asked him if he'd go to the store. He did, and came back 20 minutes later with more alcohol, and NO TINFOIL. Deep breaths. We made due without the tinfoil. Two more points for not freaking out when he didn't come back from the store with what he went there for in the first place.

Finally, we settled in to watch the rest of the Bachelorette and ate. The Bachelorette ended, and he went darting out of the apartment. No big deal, I need some time away from him at the moment anyways. A while later, I went over to his apartment to find a clean water cup, since all of my cups have mysteriously wandered over to his apartment. I find him playing his guitar. I think about the empty beer bottles in my apartment, and the empty beer bottles in his apartment. Uh-oh, it is going to be one of THOSE nights. I got my cup and left.

He came over to my apartment ten minutes later, and he was drunk, drunk, drunk. He started writing in a notebook. I asked what he was doing and he said, "I'm working on your song." Since about the first month we've known each other, he has been telling me that he is going to write me a song. It hasn't happened yet, so I have pretty much forgotten about it by this point. I look at the lyrics that he is writing. This is what I saw on his paper:

We never say stop yelling
Cuz we never go beyond
These words of punishment
But one wrong move
And we crash and burn
Lets stay apart and learn

One more night may seem a bore
Though I feel that is more,

And that was all he wrote before he lost interest and moved on. Ouch. I guess we do fight a lot. It is just an accurate representation of "us." But still. Maybe it would have gotten nicer as it went along. It seems like it was headed toward nicer things, doesn't it? No reason to get upset over a barely written song. Two more points for giving him the benefit of the doubt.

We sat and watched some TV, and he started drunkenly talking about his college band. Eventually he said, "Come over to my apartment, I want you to hear one of our songs." I went, wound up getting a guitar lesson from him, listened to a few of his band's songs, and then he went into hardcore reminiscing mode. He kept drinking beer and listening to his band's songs on loop. By now it was about 1:15AM. He had said he wanted to be up by 9AM today, so I reminded him of that and tried to convince him to drink some water and go to bed. He was clearly not in the mood, so I came home and went to bed.

About 45 minutes later, I had just started to drift off to sleep when I heard my door open. He came in and started rustling through the shopping bag from his trip to the store for earlier that day looking for more beer. I said his name. He didn't look up. I said it again. Nothing. I said it louder. Nothing. He left. I was pissed, but I went back to sleep. I figured that in his drunken logic he figured if he answered me I would try to talk him into going to bed. About a half hour later, he came in again for more beer. I said his name, and AGAIN he ignored me. Then I realized he was on the phone. The reminiscing must have prompted him to drunk dial his old band mates. I was a little peeved that he kept interrupting my sleep and couldn't even acknowledge that I was in the room, but I let it go, and went to sleep. Two more points for not snapping at him for waking me up and then ignoring me.

Now he is definitely still asleep, and I am awake, feeling pretty proud of myself for managing to keep my cool through an evening filled with little annoyances.

Today I will work on my thesis all day. My first really productive day this week. I am still using C's party on Friday as a carrot on a stick to motivate me to work. I will probably also go shopping either Thursday or Friday during the day (depending on what time the party starts) to get my Mom's birthday present, etc. So today has to be productive.

I heard back from the woman that I emailed. She actually offered me a job! But it wouldn't pay very well and it would require me to live in the really small, rural, boring town that I went to college it. But at least I have an option now. I probably won't take it--but it is nice to have a backup plan.