Should Have Stayed In Bed

I haven't been having the greatest day. Not horrible, but definitely not great.

We woke up at a decent time this morning, but instead of using the time to get work done, we just stayed in bed and cuddled/talked. Aside from the guilt of not working on my thesis, not a bad start.

Around 11, I heard a buzz at my door. I was pretty confused. I wasn't expecting any packages, and I couldn't imagine who it could be. I thought the buzz was coming from downstairs--until I looked out the peephole and saw a guy standing there with a clipboard. It was definitely odd. You need a key to get into our building, so I knew it wasn't a sales person or a Jehovah's Witness or anything... I threw on a robe, told him to cover himself, and answered the door. It turns out the guy was from my school's real estate office. He said, "Hi. You filled out a vacancy notice and I need to do an inspection of your apartment." I was still confused--I filled out the vacancy notice for August 31, and I assumed they would do an inspection when the apartment was empty--right before I left. I told him this, and he said, "No, we just need to check for structural damage. We sent a letter telling you we would be coming today." There had been a letter about move-out procedures, but I honestly hadn't bothered reading it carefully, since I am not moving out just yet. I did not want to let someone into my apartment. It is currently a mess--thesis revisions are more important than cleaning--but I really had no choice, so I reluctantly let him in.

HE was still laying in bed with the comforter covering his... parts... the kitchen still had dishes from last night's dinner, my desk area looks like a library exploded, there are clothes, magazines, and various empty boxes and grocery bags on my floor, a full trash bag by the door waiting to go down to the dumpster, and a lot of empty bottles--thanks to his inability to ever throw anything away. After the guy left, I also realized that the toilet was unflushed, thanks to his tendency to pee in the middle of the night without flushing. To make things just a little worse, right when the guy got to the door to leave, HE called to the guy to wait and said, "I live next door and I am moving out in August too. Do you want to look over my place while you're here? I just have to throw some clothes on, I'll be right over." Super. The real estate guy thinks I am a disgusting slob who boinks her neighbors.

Okay, I guess it wasn't that bad, but I DEFINITELY would have cleaned if I knew the guy was coming. And I probably would have tried NOT to have my naked neighbor in my bed. HE seemed completely unphased by the whole experience. Good lord, he could have at least thrown pants on before I opened the door. Oh well, I guess I will never see real estate guy again. I will survive my slight embarrassment.

After that ordeal was over, I eventually made my way to the school library for more books. When I got back, I checked my email and found my first job rejection. It wasn't a job I was particularly excited about, and my qualifications didn't quite fit it, but it still feels bad to be rejected. I have this completely ridiculous notion that my rejection from that one job means that none of the others will want me either. Even though it wasn't the job I really wanted, it still doesn't feel good.

The other thing that is wearing my nerves a bit thin is the fact that he bought us tickets for a concert at a bar downtown tomorrow. It is not the concert that is stressing me out, it is our plans for before the concert. C is having a get-together at her apartment (the same place we went for the 4th of July), and he wants to go to it, since it is basically on our way to the bar. I am not too excited about it, because I am afraid that P will be there. I never returned his last two calls. I am embarrassed, and it would be awkward. I don't know that he will be at C's tomorrow, but I asked HIM to call C and ask who is going. Even though I warned him not to, knowing him he will say something like, "BG wants to know if P is going because she has been avoiding his calls and is too embarrassed to see him." C is good friends with P. I don't want HIM to tell her about the whole situation. He just needs to say, "We might come tomorrow if we get a chance. Who else is going to be there?" That is ALL he has to say. I just know him better than that. So I have two choices--let him ask C who is going to be there any way that he wants, or just show up and hope for the best.

I haven't worked on my thesis at all today, unless you consider getting books at the library "working." I just feel kind of... frayed. I don't think that is a word people typically use to describe their mood, but it definitely fits. I feel kind of worn down, broken, and like I am barely keeping myself and everything around me together. I am stressed, worried, sad, anxious, and just generally BLAH. I know that I will not get much work done tomorrow, because of our plans, so I should do something today. I just wish that I could read a novel, watch movies, and/or sleep. Or go shopping. I don't have many warm-weather clothes, so that would be a good way to spend the day too. But I know that those would all be temporary fixes, which would put me further behind in my work, and actually make me feel worse in the long run. So I guess I will work for a bit. At least a little.

I know that all in all, my day has not been so bad. I know that I have a good life. Every time I complain like this, I feel so ungrateful. I know how lucky I am. I just have a hard time getting past the day-to-day drama sometimes. I need to work on that.