Exhausted...

...On so many different levels. We had a big fight again last night. When I got back from dinner last night, he wasn't here. So I went and knocked on K's door, and we went to get drinks. I happened to get back from drinks at the exact time that he got home. We hung out at his apartment. I told him that I wanted to do something tomorrow (today), and he agreed. We decided to go bowling downtown, and get food and drinks. Everything was good. Then all hell broke loose.

He said he wanted to play his guitar, which I was completely fine with. It somehow turned into a discussion of where he would sleep. He asked again why I think he only comes over for the TV, and I explained it to him. Everything was still fine. I was calm, resigned, quiet. I didn't pick a fight, I didn't throw accusations, I just sat calmly and let him go about his business. And then he freaked out. Apparently he interpreted my quietness as passive aggressiveness. He freaked out about how I never believe that he cares about me, and that I make him feel like a bad person. He was really, really mad. Like wouldn't even let me finish a sentence mad. Eventually, I got him to listen to my explanation of why I was being quiet. I told him that I was actually calm, and that I was trying not to pick another fight with him. He calmed down, and as soon as it had started, it was over. He said "lay down, let's go to sleep." He went from yelling to snoring in seconds. I came home and slept at my own apartment.

Now I am awake because I have to go to the stupid library. I don't know if he is meeting me downtown like we decided before the fight. I am pretty sure he is still asleep, but I know that he has to work at some point today, and I don't know if he set an alarm. So basically, I am not sure if I should wake him up. And I want to know if he is coming to meet me downtown after his class. I think I will go over there in a few minutes and just wake him up and ask him if he needs to be up for work, and if he is meeting me downtown.

I am exhausted from our fight, tired of everything, and not happy about going to the library. I feel like... roadkill? I don't even know.