Thinking Too Much

Class turned out fine yesterday, and we didn't get our papers back, so no major trauma there.

Sunday night, him and I had a conversation that upset me. What else is new? I am going downtown this Friday with some female friends to hit some bars and clubs. We are getting all dressed up and having a girls night. I think it should be fun. Him and I were joking around on Sunday night and he said something that prompted me to JOKINGLY ask him if he would be mad if I had sex with another guy on Friday. He, in all seriousness, responded that it might bother him, but to be sure to use a condom if I do. WHAT?! 1) I was only joking. I would not want to have sex with another guy, and 2) how could that not bring a stronger reaction from him?! So I told him that his response upset me, because I would be PISSED if he even kissed another girl. He thought for a few minutes and basically changed his answer. He said that he wouldn't really know how it would affect him unless it happened, that he was actually quite sure that he would NOT be okay with it, and that he gave his original answer in part because he didn't want me to think that he was trying to control me. Still, that stung. Am I that unimportant to him that he wouldn't care what I did with another guy?

Well, I got over that. He tells me over and over that I mean a lot to him, etc, etc. So I guess I can choose to believe him or choose not to believe him. I will choose to believe him for now. So on to the next incident that upset me...

Last night, we were laying in bed watching TV. He got up and got a few slices of cheese out of the fridge and wanted me to eat them with him. I am not a big fan of cheese on its own. In a sandwich, on pizza, on a cracker--great. By itself--ick. But he really, REALLY wanted me to, so I took a bite. I asked him why he wanted me to eat it so badly, and he said it is because he likes it when I like the things that he likes. That is when I remembered an email that he drunkenly sent to his ex-girlfriend earlier in the year. He let me read it. It said "I miss eating cheese with you." So I brought that up, and said that I don't want him to use me to fill a space. He brushed it off and said that that was not what he was doing, etc, etc. I still couldn't shake the specter of THE EX for the rest of the night.

And more on this ex: Even though she is not going to stay with him during that conference she is coming to, she is still coming to the conference. He will be at the conference too. Yuck. I don't feel great about that. It will be the first time they've seen each other since they broke up. The conference is May 1-3. I am sure there will be cocktail hours and dinners and all sorts of social gatherings. Super.

I am still waiting to hear from him about dinner reservations for this Saturday.

On a happier note: May 8-12 I am taking a trip with one of my classes that I am pretty excited about. Plus, it will be good to get out of the city. Now I just have to try to catch up/keep up with all of my class work. It never ends.