Tired

Well, he isn't home yet, which probably means that he is going to help take the prospectives out to dinner. He claimed he wouldn't be out late if he went (he has class tomorrow), but his track record suggests otherwise.

I tried to read after getting home from class, but ended up taking a nap instead. Now I am even more tired than I was before the nap. Isn't that always the way? I have to go back downtown tomorrow to the library and I am not looking forward to it. I also never emailed my movie friends suggesting to take movie night on the road. So it looks like we will just do regular old movie night.

I am feeling so crappy about HIM. I clearly have been for a long time--but it is getting worse. I want more out of this. I want him to want more. I am scared of the year ending and me not having told him that I love him. I am scared of telling him and having everything change. I love him. I miss him whenever he is not here. I feel a constant tightness in my stomach, chest, and throat when I think about the year ending and not seeing him anymore. I wish that I could tell him how I feel and then immediately make him forget it. It is building up and all of my feelings are coming dangerously close to the surface. The only thing keeping them in is writing about them here. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.