So Much To Do...

Well, things blew over very quickly with HIM. He came home later on Friday and acted like nothing had happened. We spent most of Saturday together, which means I didn't get much work done. Now I am in homework hell. I feel overwhelmed. I know it is my fault for spending so much time obsessing over the mess with him rather than working. As my mother always says: "I wasted time and now doth time waste me." I am in a bad mood. He can tell. He wants to make me feel better. I just don't feel like talking to him about any of it.

Part of it is still him. I am hurt that he doesn't want more out of this. I am angry. I am pathetic for letting it continue. My apartment is a MESS, since there are pretty much two of us living in a small space. He leaves dirty dishes in my sink, clothes and wrappers and cups on my floor, and even though he told me last night that he would wash the dishes, they are still in my sink. And other things that I don't even feel like writing about...

Part of it is school. I feel behind and overwhelmed and it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am spending so much money to be here, and I don't even know if it is worth it. I have no idea what I am doing when I finish here. My future is so uncertain. In the immediate future, I have a short paper due tomorrow for a professor that completely intimidates me, and I have a pretty difficult reading quiz for another class. I haven't come close to finishing all of the reading I have to do for that. I know it is my fault for procrastinating. But honestly, I am not usually a procrastinator. Usually I finish everything early. I just feel so down lately. It is hard for me to get things done. I am letting the situation with HIM affect my classes. That is very, very not good.

I just feel off today. And most days lately. I need to pull myself out of this funk.

Back to work I guess...