I Went and Picked a Fight

Again. One of the same fights that we have over and over.

The problem is, that every time I try to initiate something physical, his response is, "No," "I'm not in the mood," or "Maybe later." It is not that we aren't having sex. We are. But it is only when HE initiates it. He just can't bend at all for me. I told him that it bothered me, and he very sarcastically said, "You're right, I'm sorry," and then attempted to walk out. I asked him why he couldn't sit and have a conversation with me about it. He sat down, made a couple of shitty comments about being sick of having the same conversation, and then left. What the fuck? Seriously. The only reason that I still bring it up (and I have maybe brought it up four times in the entire time we've known each other), is because he says "sorry, I will work on it," and then nothing changes. It is not that I NEEDED to have sex right then or anything, it is the principle of the thing. It is ALWAYS all about what HE wants, WHEN he wants it. Everything is about HIM. I am so sick of feeling like what I want NEVER matters in this "relationship."

I am so sick of just being his "lady," as he calls me. Such bullshit. He will never be willing to give up even the tiniest thing for me. That is what that bullshit title means. It is all about what is convenient for him, what he wants to do, and what he is willing to put on the line. I have been very accepting of the fact that he has plans for his future that he is unwilling to consider altering in any way to fit me into them. I cannot handle him being unwilling to change small things in the present too. I am accomodating all the time for him. I compromise, and bend, and shift. It should be a two-way street. We are not talking major changes here. I just want him to make room for me in his life, rather than feeling like I have to fit myself into his life as it already is. I am sick of always being the one who bends.

I will NOT be knocking on his door. He needs to learn how to carry on an adult conversation without clamming up and storming out. I guess it doesn't matter. In a couple of months it will all be in the past.