Here We Go Again

It seems like every time I start to perk up, something happens to bring me back down. It is probably my own fault. Here is what happened this time:

He came back from class and was talking to me about a midterm that he got back today. He said that his professor disagreed with some of the theory that he used. I suggested that he go in and talk to his professor, and maybe have a friendly academic debate about theory. He said something like, "I will go in and tell him that my girlfriend told me to debate him." I froze up. I know that I am not his girlfriend. And he knows that. We have had that discussion. In reality, he would not be able to explain to his professor what my relationship to him actually is, so he would either have to say, "friend," "girlfriend," or "neighbor." I don't know why he chose "girlfriend" in that particular (hypothetical) situation, but it bothered me. I don't think he knows how much what he says can affect me. It hurt, because it reminded me that I am not his girlfriend. In the same way that thinking about meeting his parents on our trip next weekend reminds me of that. How will he introduce me to random people that we meet (other than his parents)? We will be going to a few events where people will know his father, but not him. He will probably have to introduce me to people. What will he call me? I don't want him to call me his "girlfriend" because it happens to be awkward to call me something else in a given situation. If he wants me to have that title, it cannot just be when it is convenient for him. Either I am his girlfriend, or I am not.

He has also been super affectionate with me since I got back from my trip. Oddly affectionate. I think that he missed having me around. But I keep hoping that it means that something has changed in how he feels about me. That he suddenly wants more. I know that it is probably not true, but I can't help hoping a little bit. I like it when he is affectionate. I just can't figure out why it has gone up a notch all of a sudden. Counter intuitively, all of the added attention makes me want to distance myself from him. I think he can tell too. It is just hard for me to accept all of his affection and attention knowing that, for him, what we have is just a temporary pseudo-relationship. The nature of our "relationship" makes me question every action, every compliment, every moment that we spend together. The fact that he is willing to give me up at the end of the year cheapens it all for me. What does he want? Why does he act like he cares so much, if he is not going to fight for me/us/this? I just get more and more confused every day.