Rejected

Not really, but that is how it feels when I knocked on his door a few minutes ago to find him doing... himself. Yes, again. I must have some sort of radar. Seriously though, I live next door. Don't guys usually prefer the real thing to doing it themselves? Needless to say, I told him that I would come back later. He came over to my apartment a few minutes later. So I asked the obvious question: Why didn't he ask me to join him? He said that it was "just a quick thing" before he got in the shower. Okay, I can understand the need for speed, especially since he is facing a deadline on an assignment for class. I know that I have no reason to take it personally. But despite my rational side, I still do take it a little personally. Has he grown bored with me physically?

This feeling will pass. I think it is all just centered around the larger insecurities I have about where I stand with him. I know that I am being incredibly silly.

I might have to spill some of what I write here to him soon. I am starting to feel like I am carrying around some huge emotional weight on my shoulders. Maybe it is better to tell him how I feel about him and risk a bad response. I have been thinking about talking to him just before I leave for my class trip. That way, we will both have a few days to chew on it after it is all out in the open. Or I could just give him the link to this blog... ha.

I am meeting with my MA advisor tomorrow afternoon. Ick. On the upside, I don't have to take my reading quiz until sometime before midnight Wednesday. That gives me more time to finish the reading.

My brother called me. He is getting a cat. I am jealous. I miss having a pet. I will get one as soon as I am settled in one place. Whenever, and wherever, that is.

Back to reading. Just had to let my irrational response out here, to prevent myself from letting it out in front of him. Thank goodness for blogging.