Busy Day

I need to buckle down today. I have a paper due tomorrow and I am supposed to have an entire book read for tomorrow's class. I haven't started the book, and I've barely started the paper. Both the book and the paper are for the professor who was on the trip with my class this past weekend. I think that he has slightly unrealistic expectations of what the class will be able to get done in two days. I guess the paper is more important, because I am being graded on it. As soon as I get back from my class today, I will be doing homework straight through the afternoon and evening.

I guess I feel a little better this morning. He can always tell when I am upset, so I tried to downplay it last night when I saw him again. I don't want to keep picking at the same issues. We have had conversations about this before--about how the end of the year is going to hurt, about how I have always wanted more out of this than he has, and about how he constantly holds back a little in this "relationship" so as not to grow too attached. The only thing that hasn't come into the conversation is the fact that I love him. So much. But I know that he knows. That conversation we had downtown a few weeks ago should have been enough to tell him, if he wasn't already aware of it. Of course, we have pretended like that conversation never happened. I don't know when I will be ready to talk about it. I know that if I tell him, I run the risk of everything ending. I don't know if I am ready for that possibility.

I guess I have to get my butt in gear. Shower, class, work, work, work. At least I have the booze cruise at the end of this week! Something to look forward to.